I am not the poster child for sending light and love.
Throughout my life, I have been seen as the good, kind, sweet, always understanding, loving one. These are a part of who I am because I strive to offer the best of myself often. But I'm more complex than that and I never signed up to be a "good girl" 24/7.
Have you had people put you in a box? Expecting you to always be the funny one, the nice one, the strong one, the smart one, the stupid one? It can feel hard to be someone else when others insist that we should fit the image they have created for us.
I am so grateful to have so many people in my life lately that are doing their best to keep it real by sharing their truths, striving to grow and not holding me to a standard of "perfection."
I believe in balance, not "good vibes only!"
I am human... We human. I am not Buddha or Jesus.. I'm still learning. I have shadows, and dark places where I feel sad, hurt, angry. I lose my temper, I tell people how they've made me feel.. good or bad. I feel my feelings strongly.
When I am with a client, I do my best to be there for them 100%. I offer them only my light and love. I hold space for them and put Chauntell aside so I can be present.
But, this is not who I am in every moment of my day.
I am letting go of holding myself to the same standard that I hold myself to for when I'm doing my work and service for others. Sometimes, I need to be in service to myself, which means standing up for my own feelings and allowing myself the freedom to have the full range of human emotions. I am a healer but I am not a yes person all day every day.
Maybe in time I'll be more light and love , but if I tried to do that right now... it wouldn't be inauthentic. I still have shit I'm working on too.
We hold healers, helpers and teachers to such a high standard sometimes that it forces them to be dishonest about their own current challenges. We all have challenges and shadows that we don't want anyone to see. Who will want my guidance if I have my own problems? Better to keep them hidden and pretend I'm all light and love!
I see so much phoniness in this world and yet also so much honesty. But, so many of us are so delicate these days , labelling challenging behaviours as "toxic" and something to be gotten rid of immediately.
We can get very uncomfortable facing out darkness.
"I don't want any drama!"
Life IS drama. Drama is where the lessons are and it's in the drama that the true gold nugget of a story resides.
I am so tired of "good vibes only!"
This isn't just a cute saying plastered everywhere... it's the way so many of us treat each other. I'm not opposed to good vibes, I love good vibes! Life is complex though, and we should have the freedom to experience the whole range of vibrational energy that is available to us. I'm not saying go around hurting people or being super cynical all day long. I'm just taking about a healthy balance of expressing the light and the dark sides of life.
I have no interest in living in Pleasant Ville.
What ever happened to having a good debate or argument? Are we so fragile that we can't get a little heated sometimes and passionately hash things out without totally crumbling or being labelled crazy?
We are quick to block out or shut down that which we don't like. At times this is necessary but it seems to becoming the go to way of handling conflict.
We are not here to be perfect beings of just love and light. We are here to experience what it means to be human with all the feelings and chaos that arises. Then offer kindness and compassion after if possible.
✨ Let's start allowing each other to have natural human feelings. Let's start being understanding when mistakes are made , the "wrong" thing is said, a negative reaction occurs or someone has a different view. ✨
We do not need to tolerate abuse or violence... but I feel culturally we are now labelling even innocuous things as such.
With celebrities, as soon as they screw up... they're done! We want to see them banished. Where's the compassion in that?
Personally, I feel like people should be able to express their personal views and beliefs whether I agree or not as long as it's not directly hurting people through hate and violence.
But that's just me!
I guess people have the right to be easily offended, manipulative, condescending and phoney with high expectations of other's behaviour.
Maybe we're all just scared and trying to figure this all out together. We're all on our own path to self-discovery, making mistakes along the way!
Sending my light and love! ;)