This is my vibe! Getting vulnerable up in here
Over a month ago, I quit my job. My job was in the social services industry. I did counselling and ran groups with women and children that have been exposed to domestic violence. I loved this work and as a young person I was also exposed to domestic violence. It was the perfect job for me for a while. In time, things changed. There was a lack of support in my role there, I lacked a team, lacked mentorship and debriefing opportunities. I was alone a lot other than when I was with clients. I reached out to try to make changes for myself and my work but in the end I felt like my employer did not care about my feelings nor my client’s feelings. I cried a lot because I thought I’d be there longer but everything was telling me that it was time to go.
I wrote in my journal that I was ready for the universe to point me in the direction I’m meant to go. I wrote that I was ready for a big change.
The next day everything changed when I was told I would be working out of a basement yet again with lack of privacy and a noisy environment. At this point I knew this would be a regression for me professionally and mentally. I already felt burnt out and unsorted, so this sealed my decision to GTFO (that’s a social work term ;) ) The universe had spoken and I had to listen to the call.
I’ve spent the last month healing the emotional impacts that this had on me so that I can work for myself. I’ve been diving deep to figure out who I am and what my life purpose truly is.
I’ve had a spiritual awakening, but let me tell you, it’s not all sparkles and sunshine. It has been a mixture of so many feelings. Sparkles and sunshine are included but along side crying, uncertainty, stress.. it’s a mixed bag.
I now feel very sure that I am meant to be learning more about my spiritual path so that I can support others on theirs.
But who is Chauntell and why is she qualified to be a spiritual leader or counsellor of any kind?
With social media, there’s a lot of pressure to uphold an image. This is especially true for people that are working for themselves and they are the product that they are trying to sell.
I want my facebook and instagram to se say : Believe in me! Trust me!
I see other people in the spiritual and personal development realm, and I don’t look like them.
I also feel like pretending like I have it all together by forcing myself to fit a mold isn’t being true to myself and is giving the wrong vibe. I want to promote a vibe of vulnerability and authenticity. If I only show people the bright sunshiny side of myself then you’re not getting the whole picture. It’s dishonest and manipulative. If I have to pretend to be perfect to sell myself, well then it’s not really worth it is it? I refuse to pretend to be someone I’m not in order to get people to feel like I can offer them something of value.
I am flawed but I am also wise. I am a student and a teacher. I make mistakes, I’m still learning but I also have a lot that I have learned that I want to pass on.
My name is Chauntell, which is a name my mother chose for me. It is often spelled and pronounced wrong and this has never bothered me. When I was a kid I wanted my name to be Sunny. Now I love my name. My last name is Dietrich and I don’t like to use it because it is my dad’s last name. I haven’t seen my dad since I was 4. I have no anger towards him but I also have no connection to this last name. My partner and I want to choose our own last name together one day. Currently Skywalker is the top contender.
I’m 4 foot 11 but I often forget how short I am until people point it out, and they always do. I’m 30 years old and sometimes I really don’t feel like an adult. I love or dislike this depending on the day.
I love learning about religion but I’m not religious.
I have no tattoos but I love them. I have one piercing on the cartilage of my right ear. It’s from when I bought piercings for myself and my ex boyfriend for valentines day when I was 18.
I’m an introvert that has learned how to be extroverted.
I keep to myself and usually allow people to come to me. I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just not the kind of gal to approach others. If people talk to me, I love talking and I care deeply about people very quickly. I’m also totally ok with never talking again if that’s what is meant to be.
I love dancing. I will dance to just about any music in public if the mood strikes me.
I love dressing up and wearing makeup but I also comfortable without it.
I love deep breaths and restorative yoga. I also love red wine and other alcoholic beverages. Alcoholism exists on both sides of my family so I’m constantly working on finding a balance for drinking in my life.
I love green tea and I don’t drink coffee.
I have never smoked a cigarette in my life but I’ve smoked a lot of weed.
I love being productive but I also love sleeping a lot.
I can be the most optimistic fun loving person some days and super gloomy other days. This is part of who I am and helps me understand people better.
I love magic but I’m a skeptic. I consider myself a witch but you probably won’t catch me saying that too often.
I pray to the universe/god/the force/source but was never told that this is something I should do. I’ve been praying since I was a child even though I was not raised with religion.
I love video games.
I don’t wear a bra most days, but it’s not a political statement … it just feels better.
In grade 9 I once stuffed my bra with paper towel but some popped out during art class. No one seemed to notice but I remember exactly where I was sitting, who I was sitting with and what my shirt looked like. It was maroon with a collar and a deep v neck.
People often think that I feel like I’m better than them but I’m usually trying to do everything I can to make sure other people feel loved and accepted.
I get most heated and angry about animal rights.
I tell my cats I love them every day. They are so damn cute!
I’m clairsentient, which I feels like a very pretentious thing to say but it’s the most accurate word to describe it.
I often have people telling me I’ve changed. I am always changing and exploring new parts of myself. Whoever my self is! I’m learning.
I value authenticity, even if it makes people look crazy, weird or gross. I like misfits. There is healing and connection in vulnerability.
Some days I feel amazing and it feels like living as a human on this earth is heaven. I feel like it can last forever. I am sensitive so inevitably I feel the sad, angry and stressful parts of life again. Sometimes I feel like the low times will go on forever. I know better now.
When life gets extra challenging something in me says “I want to die”, but now whenever that happens I immediately say “I want to love myself.”
This is all a snap shot of me. We could all write a book about who we are or who we think we are.
I am unique because I am a human.
Just as you that is reading this is unique.
You do not have to be like any other person
to be loved and accepted.
The coolest and most enjoyable people to experience are people that walk their own unique path. We are all natural born trend setters once we allow ourselves to be genuine. Once we stop trying to fit into a mold. Once we accept ourself for our own unique interests and abilities.
The more we expose ourselves to the world and other people, the more we can learn about who we are. But we must listen. We must not get stuck in judgement about who is better or worse than us. Just listen and observe. Become fascinated with this existence. Notice what feelings come up for you. Get curious about who this human is that you call you and love the hell out of them! That is the gift of spirit. Spirit is a loving observer of our human experience. You might be surprised what it has to say when you take the time to listen.
So, this is me and where I’m at right now. Still figuring it all out. I won’t lie to you because I don’t want to lie to myself. I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not because I don’t want to teach other people to be someone they’re not. I want us all to express, embrace and love our true self. That’s my vibe!
I’m in! Are you?